Control Your "Self": The Proper Use of Reflexive and Intensive Pronouns
by Tina Blue
March 11, 2001
Intensive pronouns and reflexive pronouns are those forms of the personal pronoun that end in self or selves:
myself . . . ourselves
yourself . . . yourselves
himself, herself, itself . . . themselves
REFLEXIVE PRONOUNS
The function of the reflexive pronoun is to serve as the direct object of the verb or as the object of the preposition when the subject of the clause is the same person as the object of the verb or preposition.
EXAMPLES:
Reflexive pronoun as direct object of verb
--She asked herself if she would be better off with him or without him.
--My brother really hurt himself when he fell off his bike yesterday.
--Consider yourself lucky. (In this sentence, "You" is the implied subject of the imperative verb.)
--He pulled himself up to his full height before responding to the accusation.
Reflexive pronoun as object of preposition
--He made a fool of himself.
--She did all the research by herself.
--I didn't do it for you but for myself.
INTENSIVE PRONOUNS
The intensive pronoun has the same form as the reflexive pronoun. The function of the intensive pronoun is to emphasize or intensify a noun or pronoun.
EXAMPLES:
--I myself once faced a similar difficulty.
--She baked that pie herself.
--He himself must make that choice.
--The children themselves decided that a trip to Disneyland would be an unnecessary extravagance.
MISUSE OF THE REFLEXIVE PRONOUN FORM
There are two sorts of errors that people frequently make when using the reflexive pronoun form. The most common error is the inappropriate use of a "self" pronoun where a simple pronoun is called for. The other all too common error is the use of illiterate forms of the reflexive pronoun.
INAPPROPRIATE USE OF THE REFLEXIVE FORM WHERE A SIMPLE PRONOUN IS CALLED FOR
When someone uses a "self" pronoun where a simple pronoun is called for, it is almost always because he mistakenly thinks the reflexive form sounds more "elegant." It doesn't. Memorize this (self-evident!) principle: Incorrect usage is never more elegant than correct usage.
Incorrect
--The boss invited my wife and myself to have dinner with him next Friday.
Correct
--The boss invited my wife and me to have dinner with him next Friday.
(The pronoun "me" is the object of the verb "invited," but since the subject is "the boss," not "I," the object of the verb is not the same as the subject of the verb, and therefore the reflexive pronoun is not needed.)
Incorrect
I'm fine--and yourself?
Correct
I'm fine--and you? (Elliptical phrasing of "--and how are you?")
Incorrect
--John and myself can carry most of the equipment.
Correct
--John and I can carry most of the equipment.
Incorrect
--This is a matter that concerns only you and himself.
--This is a matter that concerns only you and myself.
--This is a matter that concerns only him and yourself.
Correct
--This is a matter that concerns only you and him.
--This is a matter that concerns only you and me.
--This is a matter that concerns only him and you.
ILLITERATE FORMS
There are a number of incorrect pronoun forms that are used with disconcerting frequency.
These are the proper forms of the reflexive and intensive pronouns:
myself . . . ourselves
yourself . . . yourselves
himself, herself, itself . . . themselves
The following forms are never acceptable:
hisself
theirself theirselves
ourself
themself
If you tend to use any of these forms, get them out of your vocabulary immediately.
Generally speaking, it is best not to put on airs. That rule applies also to the way we use language. More often than not, when someone tries to add "elegance" to his spoken or written style, he ends up sounding pretentious. Even worse, he may end up sounding ignorant--precisely the opposite of the effect he is hoping to produce! 
